Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
