Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize