Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
