turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
