I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize