god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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