apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
