Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
