What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
