I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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