I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
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