Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
