I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
His hands were made for my vagina.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
