Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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