dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
