There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
