My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
