I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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