You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
