It's Friday. Sex?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
