i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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