Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
