its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
