Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
