I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Randomize
