Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
