brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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