the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
