I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
