dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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