I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
