you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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