bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
