you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
