i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
