u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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