I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
