no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize