Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize