Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
