oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
