Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
