it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
