I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
