someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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