omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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