maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
