he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
