I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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