WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
