Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
