Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
