Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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