Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Come on in and take your pants off
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