I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
