no you cant smoke seaweed
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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