party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
