She's JV to your varsity
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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