Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
