Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
