Whatcha textin bout Willis?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
do nipples grow back?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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