Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
