I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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