um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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