just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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