how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
