By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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