I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
