I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
