I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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