This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
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