It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Randomize
